Perfection on earth is useless

Responsibility by SPCA

2005-10-06T23:05:00.000-07:00

Remember...They love UNCONDITIONALLY.....
When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How could you?" -- but then you'd relent and roll me over for a bellyrub. My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides,stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs" you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day.

Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love. She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" -- still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her? affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy. Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a "prisoner of love." As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose.loved everything about them and their touch -- because your touch was now so infrequent -- and I would've defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway.

There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf. Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the right decision for your "family," but there was a time when I was your only family. I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will find a good home for her." They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with "papers." You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar as he screamed "No, Daddy! Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life. You gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you.You had a deadline to meet and now I have one, too.After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked "How could you?"

They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us,of course, but I lost my appetite days ago.At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you that you had changed your mind -- that this was all a bad dream... or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me. When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited. I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days. As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood.

She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured "How could you?" Perhaps because she understood my dogspeak, she said "I'm so sorry." She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself -- a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place. And with my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my "How could you?" was not directed at her. It was directed at you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of you. I will think of you and wait for you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty.

A Note from the Author: If "How Could You?" brought tears to your eyes as you read it, as it did to mine as I wrote it, it is because it is the composite story of the millions of formerly "owned" pets who die each year in American & Canadian animal shelters. Anyone is welcome to distribute the essay for a non-commercial > purpose, as long as it is properly attributed with the copyright notice. Please use it to help educate, on your websites, in newsletters, on animal shelter and vet office bulletin boards. Tell the public that > the decision to add a pet to the family is an important one for life, that animals deserve our love and sensible care, that finding another appropriate home for your animal is your responsibility and any local humane society or animal welfare league can offer you good advice, and that all life is precious. Please do your part to stop the killing, > and encourage all spay & neuter campaigns in order to prevent unwanted animals. Please pass this on to everyone, not to hurt them or make them sad,but it could save maybe, even one unwanted pet. Remember...They love UNCONDITIONALLY, If you give them LOVE

2005-09-06T11:24:00.000-07:00

Rev. John Powell, a professor at Loyola University in Chicago writes about a student in his Theology of Faith class named Tommy. Some twelve years ago, I stood watching my university students file into the classroom for our first session in the Theology of Faith. That was the day I first saw Tommy. My eyes and my mind both blinked. He was combing his long flaxen hair, which hung six inches below his shoulders. It was the first time I had ever seen a boy with hair that long. I guess it was just coming into fashion then. I know in my mind that it isn't what's on your head but what's in it that counts; but on that day, I wasunprepared and my emotions flipped I immediately filed Tommy under "S" for strange...very strange.

Tommy turned out to be the "atheist in residence" in my Theology of Faith course. He constantly objected to, smirked at, or whined about the possibility of an unconditionally loving Father/God. We lived with eachother in relative peace for one semester, although I admit he was for me at times a serious pain in the back pew. When he came up at the end of the course to turn in his final exam, he asked in a cynical tone, "Do you think I'll ever find God?"I decided instantly on a little shock therapy. "No!" I said veryemphatically. "Why not?," he responded, "I thought that was the product you were pushing."

I let him get five steps from the classroom door and then called out, "Tommy! I don't think you'll ever find Him, but I am absolutely certain that He will find you!" He shrugged a little and left my class and my life. I felt slightly disappointed at the thought that he had missed my clever line "He will find you! At least I thought it was clever.

Later I heard that Tommy had graduated and I was duly grateful. Then a sad report came. I heard that Tommy had terminal cancer. Before I could search him out, he came to see me. When he walked into my office, his body was very badly wasted and the long hair had all fallen out as a result of chemotherapy. But his eyes were bright and his voice was firm, for the first time, I believe "Tommy, I've thought about you so often -- I hear you are sick," I blurted out.

"Oh, yes, very sick. I have cancer in both lungs. It's a matter of weeks." "Can you talk about it, Tom?" I asked. "Sure, what would you like to know?" he replied. "What's it like to be only twenty-four and dying?" "Well, it could be worse.""Like what?" "Well, like being fifty and having no values or ideals; like being fifty and thinking that booze, seducing women, and making money are the real biggies' in life."

I began to look through my mental file cabinet under 'S' where I had filed Tommy as strange. (It seems as though everybody I try to reject by classification, God sends back into my life to educate me.)

"But what I really came to see you about," Tom said, "is something you said to me on the last day of class." (He remembered!) He continued, "I asked you if you thought I would ever find God and you said, 'No!' which surprised me.Then you said, 'But He will find you.' I thought about that a lot, even though my search for God was hardly intense at that time. (My clever line. He thought about that a lot!)

"But when the doctors removed a lump from my groin and told me that it was malignant, that's when I got serious about locating God. And when the malignancy spread into my vital organs, I really began banging bloody fists against the bronze doors of heaven. But God did not come out.. Infact, nothing happened. Did you ever try anything for a long time with great effort and with no success? You get psychologically glutted, fed up with trying. And then you quit."

"Well, one day I woke up, and instead of throwing a few more futile appeals over that high brick wall to a God who may be or may not be there, I just quit. I decided that I didn't really care about God, about an after life, or anything like that. I decided to spend what time I had left doing something more profitable. I thought about you and your class and I remembered something else you had said: " The essential sadness is to go through life without loving. But it would be almost equally sad to go through life and leave this world without ever telling those you loved that you had loved them." So, I began with the hardest one, my Dad. He was reading the newspaper when I approached him. "Dad.""Yes, what?" he asked without lowering the newspaper."Dad, I would like to talk with you." "Well, talk." "I mean It's really important". The newspaper came down three slow inches. "What is it?" "Dad, I love you--I just wanted you to know that." Tom smiled at me and said it with obvious satisfaction, as though he felt a warm and secret joy flowing inside of him. "The newspaper fluttered to the floor. Then my father did two things I could never remember him ever doing before. He cried and he hugged me. We talked all night, even though he had to go to work the next morning. Itfelt so good to be close to my father, to see his tears, to feel his hug, to hear him say that he loved me."

"It was easier with my mother and little brother. They cried with me, too, and we hugged each other, and started saying real nice things to each other. We shared the things we had been keeping secret for so many years. "I was only sorry about one thing --- that I had waited so long. Here I was, just beginning to open up to all the people I had actually beenclose to. "Then, one day I turned around and God was there. He didn't come to me when I pleaded with Him. I guess I was like an animal trainer holding out a hoop, 'C'mon, jump through. C'mon, I'll give You three days, threeweeks.' "Apparently God does things in His own way and at His own hour. But the important thing is that He was there. He found me! You were right He found me even after I stopped looking for Him."

"Tommy," I practically gasped, "I think you are saying something very important and much more universal than you realize. To me, at least, you are saying that the surest way to find God is not to make Him a private possession, a problem solver, or an instant consolation in time of need,but rather by opening to love. You know, the Apostle John said that. He said: 'God is love, and anyone who lives in love is living with God and God is living in him.' Tom, could I ask you a favor? You know, when I had you in class you were a real pain. But (laughingly) you can make it all up to me now. Would you come into my present Theology of Faith course and tell them what you have just told me? If I told them the same thing it wouldn't be half as effective as if you were to tell it."

"Ooh I was ready for you, but I don't know if I'm ready for your class." "Tom, think about it If and when you are ready, give me a call. In a few days, Tom called, said he was ready for the class, that he wanted to do that for God and for me. So we scheduled a date. However, he never made it. He had another appointment, far more important than the one with me and my class. Of course, his life was not really ended by his death, only changed. He made the great step from faith into vision. He found a life far more beautiful than the eye of man has ever seen or the ear of man has ever heard or the mind of man has ever imagined. Before he died, we talkedone last time.

"I'm not going to make it to your class," he said."I know, Tom.""Will you tell them for me? Will you tell the whole world for me?""I will, Tom. I'll tell them. I'll do my best."So, to all of you who have been kind enough to read this simple story about God's love, thank you for listening. And to you, Tommy, somewhere in the sunlit, verdant hills of heaven --- I told them, Tommy as best I could.

With thanks,
Rev. John Powell, Professor Loyola University in Chicago

Disappointments

2005-05-11T09:13:00.000-07:00

Does it make a difference for disappointments pertaining to marriages and other appointments? I was telling my dad about how not to get disappointed. Ya, the obvious one would be not have such high expectations. But sometimes just thinking of how you gonna spend that wonderful time together would bring such excitement and joy to yourself. Its like buying a new toy car for a 6 year old boy and telling him not to think about his brand new car. Dont think about how he is going to crash that into a pile of toy soldiers and such. That would be rather impossible.

I realized I am a spoilt kid. All these little things go through my brain igniting waves that bring a smile to my face. Call me kiddy, call me immature. But the thought of going out with my friends and having a wonderful time is my brand new car. From here, that expectation and foreseen fun and anxiety is built up. How not to crash it into a pile of people? Surely my brain will go, 'yeah yeah yeah...'

And when mummy doesnt buy you the new car promised, that frown will appear. You realized that the war games will no longer happen, but only an imagination. Ya, I guess as adults, they are the ones that will rationalize it and say, 'oh well... we can do it some other time.'
With that rationale, why cant the husband of the runaway bride say, 'oh no.. i will have to postpone everything and try again next time.' Why should the degree of hurt vary so much?! Yes, marriage is something so IMPORTANT that one cant just simply treat it as an outing. But what if the person has pinned that same high hopes on any other activity? What if the boy is really looking forward towards the new toy car? How should one judge whether it is IMPORTANT to a person or not? Aiyah, cant lah. That person will have to determine it for him/herself. I think there isnt any international ISO qualified standardized ruler of measurement to say which activity is important or not bah.

The next question is, how to heal that hurt if its really hurting?! How do you know it doesnt if its not you? Maybe for mummy, its just a car, but to the boy, its a BENZ to a mum. Hate it when peer pressure when they say things like, 'aiyah.. never mind lah, can always do again.' and they ignore the hurt part hoping that time will do its job. Will it? Yes it will. But there will be a scar. A tremor that will make you shake at times uncontrollably at night when u sleep with an illusion of falling into a drain. You are lying cosily in bed, but you dont feel safe. What dreams do you have at night? Is man born to be hurt? OR should they be comforted to bed like a prince? Oh what thou art has become of such a little disapointment that everyone will deem to experience. How many times has the rabbit begged you to open its cage. How many times has the child been neglected. How many nights of tearing in bed. How many years of anguish must he live with that hurt following him every single minute whereever he goes. 10, 20 years, 50, 70? Does healing take the same amount of time or twice as much?

Man is punished for his sins. Disappointments are all he gets. However, happiness is planned for him unexpectedly, to? relieve of his pain? as a morphine? Well, at least theres such things called happiness in life. Or is this thought by itself already a morphine?

I accept things that come my way. I am really grateful for everything in my life; disappointments and happiness alike. I will surrender, accept and make the best use of everything given to me. Thats why I am letting my rabbit sleep with me tonight.

Good night rabbit......

Weird Dream

2005-01-29T22:38:00.000-08:00

Hi all.. Its been been ages since I last typed something in here.... kinda finding myself and the realities of the world and such. And guess what... I think I have a clue of whats going on around this earth...

Anyhow, I wanna share a dream that I had a few days back. It sounds funny and weird and I dunno the meaning behind it. Here it goes . . . . . .

It started out when I was walking in a big city with my mom. Suddenly, the sky was filled with a patch of black. Yes, a patch of black things like liquid. It was being chased by 6,000 fighter planes. The planes were trying to break them up and destroy as much as they could by shooting them down. A closer look determined that those black patches as big as the space ships in Independence Day, were CROWS. Yes, CROWS, MYNAHS, RAVENS, whatever you want to call them. They are flying together and are spreading viruses to the humans. As the planes shot them, they fell down and whoever was hit by them will be influenced by its disease. Scary...

They started falling at a slow rate, but to the person below looking up, they were heavily falling. Therefore, my mom and I started siam-ing these black crows. We A-lak here, A-lak there.. and managed to hide under a bus stop. Some crows begin to break up and stood at a distance away from the bus stop. I dunno where I got it, but I had a torch light in my hand. I started to shine at one crow. And then, to my surprise, POOF ! It was disintegrated... You just gotta shine at the crow for around 3 seconds and it would be fried to smittering pieces. Kinda cool, I thought. After the first attempt, I started to use my small little torch and shine at the sky. Yup, needless to say, the effect was minimal. I wanted to hold onto the torchlight and do all the shining myself. I suddenly am not scared of the crows anymore. Though they are still deadly and widely scared by many, I just dun care anymore. I just wanna do the shining. Its not because I am holding the torch that made me braver, its just that I wanted to disintegrate more crows. And any crow that dropped on me would also do me harm.

I realised 30 seconds later that I wasnt holding the torch anymore. It just disappeared. Instead, I tried another method of killing them; which was whacking them with bare hands HARD. Just do it suddenly and make sure its hard. You will be able to disintegrate the crows too. Or, use a stone and throw it HARD. Make sure it hits, and wah lah, its gone...

I dont know whatever happened after that, I shared this secret of hitting and throwing to the rest of the people and they started believing and dropping nearby crows as well. After that I kinda woke up. I realised its not a bad dream... its more like a lesson taught to me through this dream. There are much introspection after that... and as I am typing this very moment, I UNDERSTOOD WHAT IT MEANT.

Thank you God......

Fr Arter

2004-12-12T23:35:00.000-08:00

Hi all.... been a month plus since I written anything in here. Well, heres what happened the last few days, cos too lazy to write what happened the last month.. heh

Theres this Polish Rev. Arter who came from Macau to Singapore for a short holiday trip for about 4 days. Since he works with my aunt in Macau doing missionary work, we invited him to stay with us and would bring him around Singapore sight-seeing.

This guy is damn cool as a priest. First of all, he totally looks like an ang moh when we first saw him at the airport. His first words were, "Ni hao, ni hao..." He speaks chinese like my chinese teacher ! He also speaks French, Japanese, and English of course. He is talented in music and played all the awesome pieces on my piano. He astonished all of us. Later I realised that he is a Jesuit; a society that contains top notch clever people that serve the Lord. A little background on it. The society of Jesus was created together with the council of trent and the index of forbidden books in an event to counter the protestants that attempted to break the Catholic faith of Europeans back in the 1540s. From then on, the religious wars broke out and wah la !! they were forthcoming from then onwards.

My mom brought him to Jurong bird park, Sentosa and Mt Alvernia hospital. On one dinner at east coast seafood restaurant, he and I went for a walk while the food was prepared. He said, "Experience the Lord in your daily life." It is common for him to converse in the meaning of life. But, it touched me. He told me how to live, how God can grow u, how you would spring with him in your heart. But, how do I start?? Prayer and penance. The answer is prayer and penance. Believe it or not, it will just happen. The impossible will just happen !! YES !! but i have yet to experience that... so sad..

On the last day of his visit, we went to the hospital, cos my aunt gave birth to a ger on the 10th! Baby Genevie !! SO CUTE !! SO FRAGILE !! LITTLE FINGERS !! LITTLE MOUTH !! LITTLE FEET !! OOOHH! I wan one of those... minus the crying, minus the feeding in the middle of the night... hahaha Well, Rev. Arter blessed the little one and we were on our way. I have been to the airport like 4 times in a week. Oops... heh.. only a few will know why. We sent him on his way and a happy Rev. he was. *Sigh* ........

How happy can a man be, when he has problems-free and perform as he is told. But I believe its a choice that u make. Whether you wanna be happy or pull a long face all day long. No point la... right? Anyway, I am going to sunway lagoon with my relatives !!! My luke ee, and xiao ee, and their kids ! (6 of them !) Cool !! I am the eldest of the young ones there, so i guess i will have to be in charge in looking after them, especially the ones from America.... haha... talking about when east meets west.. HA! wonder how the kids will fight tmr.. heh. Anyway, I am planning to relive the christmas feeling this yr, and will try my best to buy gifts for those I remember. =)

Good night everybody... India is so far away....

signing off.....................................................................
Gabriel

This era of republic

2004-10-31T00:54:00.000-07:00

Is it just Singapore or is it universally felt around the world that people are evolving from portraying conservative confucism to an imperialistic wild boar like personality?

I think, therefore I am. Wah kaoz.... true to some sense, but not necessary to split that hair.
I have decided to let things be.... I m going to release that discipline side of me and live the years that I missed out. Phew... not gonna be easy, but I will try hard. I take back my words of looking at yourself living. thats not how one should live. Instead, its like what I m doing now bah, i guess. But it may seem to be a little heck care. So i think discipline must be inculcated in some aspects bah.

Couldnt concentrate today, its not full swing down moody, its just neutral and plain lazy. I wonder what would happen if I had disciplined myself to do work today. I wonder how my mood would be with that effect? hmm...... haha.....

Thats all.... Yes, i agree that whatever will be, will be. But its painful ..... Its even more painful when its impartial and you dont have the mood to cry out for it. You just let it subside in you, and use favourable things to cover up. Its not direct hurt, its something else.

I dunno le.... however, it seems better if theres something there to fall back to. And with that, OF COURSE you can let things be. At least if ceteris paribus, you still got something to fall back on. Where else not that lucky others may be.

Fragile a boy may be. Discipline hard he tried to be. Man are different said God to he. Alright then said he. Whatever will be, will be.

Without discipline, man lives happily every after..............

What? Again?

2004-10-21T01:34:00.000-07:00

Wa hahaha.... how nice it is to laugh at yourself. Its good to put yourself down and make a joke out of it. Life is not a joke, but I cant help it. Wahahahha .......

I m not ready la... I m just not ready. Wouldnt a Father be more than willing to answer his childs prayer when he asks for something? But its a matter of time before he gives it to him. Of course this is considering its not a bad thing to give that thing to him. You wouldnt give your child a knife to play, would you?

There are appropriate timing to realise your wants, you just gotta be patient. I am saying its happening alright.... just wait for it to come. Why dont you prepare yourself for it? Why not make yourself as ready as possible and anticipate any problems before and after receiving the thing? It would at least highten your utility when you receive it at last.

Mambo... I wanna go mambo.. it doesnt make the issues and problems go away, and I wouldnt want them to go away either. I wanna face it. All I am asking is a break to rejuvenate; at least a few hours? to face it again.

Friends. They are better than lovers? Netting off the physical aspect, sometimes you wont tell your guy 'interesting things' or sometimes, he just wont get it. And you feel you are heart-to-heart closer to friends.

Music. Music is my life. Creating, reiterating, listening. Its cool..... I like to play. I play everyday for 1.5 hrs at least. Cant help it, and its growing at a scary rate. I would sometimes play and play and play, if there are nice songs... Cant stop to do sch wk.....

Food. I love to eat! I can be very down, and when i see all the food infront of me... I would just cheer up ! I would be so glad that I am blessed with all these foods, that I will smile and eat and smile and eat and smile! but sometimes it doesnt work. I will still be down.

Jazz pubs. Chilling is just chilling. Its a time to think about what have been done, whats not yet been done. Listening to jazz fills you with emotions that you just cant intercept its intervals. Its so worth dying for. A nice booze, wonderful atmosphere, nice frens, OOOHH .... thats life.

God. Go to church. Man does not live on bread alone.... but by every word that comes from the mouth of God. Just go, sit and be open. You must find the true God.

Sleep. If you are not working, you are sleeping and/or having fun. Cluster it into 2 categories. Either you are working or you are having fun. Sleeping = having fun.

Now, its time for me to have fun.... zz......zzz.........zzzzz.......................

Goodnite ppl of god

Yes, life is full of repetitive iterations.

History textbooks as bedtime stories

2004-10-17T01:57:00.000-07:00

I think I shall read history textbooks as bedtime stories for my kids next time. Haha.... okok, 1 day history textbook, 1 day fairy tales... Mankind learn from mistakes. The underlying reasons of why people do things are also interesting to study. You then am able to know what makes humans tick, and perhaps contribute to society your views.

Its ok to be slow, its ok to be untalented. But the struggle must be there. To do the best that you possibly can. Fight for it !! NEVER, i say again, NEVER give up without a fight. And during the fight, ask yourself; " Is this the best u can do?? " PUSH, FIGHT, GO ! Its not worth it. Its NOT worth it to give up. Its as good as untalented.

So, i rather be a person that puts in effort constantly throughout my life, though I know that I may not be talented in certain fields, if its a must. Quote by simpson's sister, (whats her name? shit i forgot) "What cant kill you will make you stronger. "

Its always good to constantly KIV what are your objectives.
However, dont forget to live your life.... I see alot of my friends doing things just as a passing phase. Many of us fall into this trap. After a while, it gets numb, and you think this is life. Nope, its not. It is also different from doing the things you like. To tell the difference, think whether you are just going through the motion, and enjoying it; e.g. riding your favourite bicycle in the park. If you are, you are inside the trap. Astonished? haha... me too, when i realised that. This shiok feeling is your favourite hobby. Its something you enjoy doing. Its just a phase you would like to retain, so that everynow and then u can enjoy it. If you lose it, you might feel sad. This is definitely in the trap.

The actual living starts when you actually think about the feelings you have when you are actually doing the motion. You look at the bigger picture, and you know you are doing the "living" thing. You understand why you feel the way you feel. Its kinda cool to reach that stage. You will smile when you see people enjoying themselves when they pass through the motion. You'd wish they experience what you experienced too. Dont get tied up by the motion. Its not the motion that makes u happy, its not the motion that makes u live. Its the mind. Its all in the mind. Sounds like you are living in the matrix? you bet.

Start living, and make everyday count. *winkz

questions to ponder for a start: why study? If its really the knowledge, why are u groaning? and why do grades matter?

wanna tell me what u think?

Been thinking......

2004-10-10T02:50:00.000-07:00

Yeah, whatsup with all the drama shows and stuffs...... I think they really are detrimental to human relationships. Examples are those korean and japanese dramas. In my opinion, they are too dreamy and gives hope to ppl. They instil scenarios into human brains and expects them to happen to themselves or others.

Dont believe? consider a few frens that are quite close to u. You know who they like and stuffs like that. Obviously u wished a happy ending and have scenes flash back from shows... aiyah.. u all know what i mean la. So i guess watching too much dramas brings u to lala land. Though sentimental, sometimes it hurts ppl when their bubble is burst. So, back to the original advice. Dont use ur imagination.
But this is what ppl want to see. That is how the entertainment industry makes $$. Romantic comedies are a big sector. But, reality bites la.... hah.

I realised something. I dunno how to crap. I think i m too selfish. When i m around with frens I always ask them questions about relationships, and what should one do. I dunno how to maintain a conversation. I realised that its because i have childhood frens that are also quiet and only talk about superficial stuffs. So, in a way, we are just surface frens. That is a sad thing to realise. SAD.. hahah but i guess its ok la.... If u r not that type of crappy and talkative person, so be it. Dun force yourself to be someone whom u r not .... if i m not a socialite, then i m not.
Just keep quiet lor..... right? =)

When ppl crap and gossip, i m everytime L O S T. I dunno what they are talking about.... hahah bleah.

----------went to watch the liang chao wei show @ 10 oct 2.42am-----------

That guy is smart. I think his name is liang chao wei, hahah.... he doesnt use his imagination. The ger move into his house, makes meals for him, wash his clothes, buy groceries for him... somemore pretty... He treats that ger as nothing, though if u give wei sheng or any other guy, thats it man ! hahah... just kidding. Wei sheng will be as gentleman as him, i guess....

haha.... aiyah, what ever it is, just let things happen la. haha!

Good nite everyone. wait.... er... ok, Good nite...

Lousy care taker......

2004-10-01T02:05:00.000-07:00

Yeah, realised that i m a lousy caretaker. I think i m a little like my dad. no no i think 70% like him. He is not a very delicate man, i would say. I guess, by living under the same roof, i m more or less like him. I think its because day in day out, i see how he treats mum. He just comes home, have dinner, then go to his room to play music, or read stuffs.. or go church do stuffs.... mum and dad dun really talk a lot to each other.. He is more of a hedonist in a HOLY way.

Oh no, and i think i m like him ! i also dun really talk to my mum and dad alot.... we just do our own stuffs.. I wonder how i m going to get a gf without being delicate to others. dun think thats what gers wanna look out for lor. diaoz.....

Today Kelvin encouraged me. I was pretty ju(3) san(4) after the Managerial Decision Analysis test. Sometimes, trying hard wont have that much payoff if one is not a genuine studious person. I tried hard to listen and absorb what the lecturer is saying. BUT it makes no sense to me. Nothing he says goes in. Nothing he says make sense.
But he tried to give me confidence and pushed me to keep it going. Really glad to hv him as a motivator. And i thank God for that.

today is bel's bdae.... hahah .....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEL !!

I dun do this often...

2004-09-28T10:25:00.000-07:00

There are 2 things i wanna address today...

Wow... had dinner at Rice Table today. Phew, it was fabulous. It was my first time there, and I was overwhelmed by the sheer number of dishes that the guy placed on the table... There were like 18 dishes lor. I usually have my meals at the coffee shop or in school, and am already quite satisfied with that.

As I sat and ate, I felt guilty. I didnt do much work for the past few days, and I know I shouldnt be eating like a KING! Oh man... this feeling sucks. Yeah, I got pass that stage and stuffed my stomach till it cant talk anymore.... hopefully, by making myself guilty, i can start my engine and do some work. Ha ha, but by the end of the meal, i was too comfy and didnt want to start that little guilty engine at all....... bleah.

My frens said i m an easily satisfied person, but i dun think so lor... If i were, then i wouldnt have so much things i wanna try harder, and do again, yeah, like work, relationships and frenship...

Was thinking about whether its alright to be close to someone whose already attached. Though u know nothing will happen, (and u wouldnt allow it for obvious reasons) the feelings are there.... and the worst thing is, sometimes, it flows both ways.... wah piang... No need to be suspicious, u will know when u have a feeling, and u will also know when the attached partner has a feeling.

how to block someone who is attached to have feelings for u. ( u dun have for him/her)

SIAM ! whatever u do, just be nonchalant and treat it as though nothing is happening...

2. how to block urself to have that feelings for an attached partner. (he/she doesnt know)

Shut ur imagination box up ! dun think, just dun think.... when ever u are out, just be a

clown.... NEVER NEVER think that u cant take it anymore.... because U CAN ! its just 1

life time... nothing more, nothing less..

3. Now, here comes the tricky part. both of u have feelings for each other... how to block both

of u b4 both of u explode and hurt the innocent party in that relationship. REN REN

REN REN REN REN REN and more REN..... but dun go shopping or pat tor secretly

la.... not very fair lor..... at least do it openly. WAhahah no la.. just kidding... deviate a

bit ma..... bleah. try to REN, and at the same time try to find out whether the

character fits. This is terribly terribly important. ..... whether the character fits...

If all else fails, SO BE IT! just gao bai and settle it.

Consequences are: Either u are hurt, u get no one in the end.... OR the innocent

party is hurt..... and he/she gets no one....

Good night ...

First time......

2004-09-25T09:24:00.000-07:00

This is the first time I am writing an online "diary".... Thanks to Avis, how recommended me this site.

Feel funny that IT has made ppl keep diaries online. I thought they are supposed to be as secretive as possible. Haha, I guess thats how the era evolves.

One notion to share.
Eveeryone had always based their daily production rate to the best of their abilities and pressure themselves to perform. By doing this, they might get disappointed when it doesnt work out. Ya, its true that the higher u climb, the harder u fall. But, dun give up! Rearrange ur chores, and dun really set deadline / time for it. Just enjoy the task as it comes. By doing that, I m pretty sure you will learn how to luv it soon.... = )

Yeah, thats all for today, man.....

Mood for today is : I shant use my imagination.

signing off.........
Gab